A woman, unfamiliar with weddings in a foreign country where she resides, received an invitation from a kind elderly colleague, requesting her presence at her daughter’s momentous occasion. Following the “dress to impress” code, she chose a traditional outfit from her country for the occasion. Much to her astonishment, both the bride and her colleague were infuriated by her choice.
On October 25, 2023, an anonymous female poster shared her story in the widely popular “AITA” subreddit. The original poster, a 27-year-old black African woman, was living and working in Germany for a fixed period on secondment. During her time there, she formed a close friendship with a 60-year-old colleague.
This elderly lady invited the woman to her daughter’s wedding, sparking her excitement as she had never attended a “white wedding” before. To clarify the attire expectations, she asked about the dress code and color scheme, which was not specified on the invite. She was informed that the code was to “dress to impress.”
What Happened on the Wedding Day?
The woman grasped the assignment, and on the day of the wedding, she confidently wore her traditional attire, a beautiful green garment that distinctly stood out in the German setting. Initially, she assumed there wouldn’t be any issues with her choice. However, throughout the event, she fielded numerous questions and compliments about her outfit, all of which she modestly downplayed, not wanting to overshadow the bride’s day.
When Monday arrived, the woman sensed an unusual atmosphere in the office, with hushed whispers and colleagues displaying more reserved behavior than usual.
“My colleague seems colder than usual but I pay it no mind since she’s [the] mother of [the] bride and could be preoccupied. The bride is downright rude to me, but again [I] give her grace. I congratulate her and thank her for including me and I get a tight [face] in response,” recounted the woman.
Staying on the periphery of the room throughout the event, the woman distanced herself from the music that didn’t align with her taste. She observed the nuances of European weddings, attempting to understand the cultural differences. After five hours, at 8 o’clock, she made her exit, leaving before the wedding concluded.
How Did Everyone React When the Woman Returned to the Office on Monday?
When Monday arrived, the woman sensed an unusual atmosphere in the office, with hushed whispers and colleagues displaying more reserved behavior than usual. An office friend took her aside, shedding light on the situation: the bride’s mother was seething.
According to her, the woman’s outfit at the wedding was deemed too extravagant and inappropriate, drawing undue attention away from the bride. Allegedly, the mother had been vocal about it, spreading the narrative that the woman’s attire was not just ostentatious but also disrespectful, causing a stir among the attendees.
Feeling a need to address the issue, the woman approached the mother of the bride (MOB) and requested a conversation. However, MOB refused, claiming she had nothing to say to her. Perplexed, the woman questioned why MOB had shared her grievances with others but wouldn’t communicate them directly to her. In response, MOB labeled the woman as insolent.
In her defense, the woman clarified to anyone who reprimanded her that this was her first experience with a wedding in a predominantly white cultural context. She emphasized that she had specifically sought guidance on what to wear and had followed the given instructions.
The woman explained that in her homeland, weddings were vibrant celebrations where attendees showcased their best attire. The concept of not overshadowing the bride was unfamiliar to her. When someone made a racially coded remark, insinuating that people in this context possessed better manners, the woman responded defiantly, refusing to back down. Consequently, rumors began circulating that she lacked remorse for her actions, leaving her questioning her behavior and whether she was in the wrong.
The woman shared a few additional details to her story, noting that she was about to board a flight after someone told her to go back to her country, a remark she took with humor. She acknowledged the feedback received and admitted that while she might not be in the wrong, she understood she could have inquired further or done more research, which was a fair point.
The woman also explained that her use of “WP wedding” referred to the fact that it was the first wedding she had attended where the bride, groom, and wedding party were all in white. She emphasized that the term wasn’t meant to be deeply significant. Furthermore, she posted a picture of a dress, similar to what she had worn at the wedding, for her Reddit followers to see.
In reply to a commenter who placed the blame on the mother, criticizing her for gossiping, providing misguided advice, and inviting the woman to her daughter’s wedding, which, according to the commenter, should have been the couple’s responsibility, the woman explained:
“Where I’m from, [that’s] really not out of the ordinary. I assumed she had either set [number] of guests or permission from her daughter 🤷🏿.”
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